Rob Attack!

So, I just read in the paper that Santa Cruz County has a Superior Court judge named Robert Atack. I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that it's pronounced 'uh-tack'. Like, "I was walking in the forest and got attacked by killer bees with ninja swords and fire."

Two things about this. First, that's a pretty intimidating name for a judge to have.

Second, that's a pretty kick ass name for ANYONE to have!

If that were my name, I'd take full advantage of all benefits that go along with it.

If I had a million dollars...

I asked one of my roommates the other day if he thought, that if I were to fly a plane from Las Vegas to Reno but got lost somewhere along the way, a search effort would begin, then after a few days the officials would say that they were going to expand the search for nearly two weeks. This obviously was in response to Steve Fosset's rescue effort. My assumption was that the only reason anyone gives a rip is because he's rich. Apparently there have been numerous planes that haven't made that trip but only now are being dicovered. "Teams have discovered nearly one uncharted wreck a day since the intensive search began" -AP. So, in looking back on my question... no, they wouldn't spend an ass load of money on a search effort to find me. I could make a point here if I wanted to, but I'll let this one go.

In the cards

I'm going to make a prediction and see how it turns out. I've had a lot of time on my hands lately. It's quite a long-term calculation, so it might be few years until the results show themselves...about 5 years to be exact, for the full thing to take place.

Start
Close to the 2008 presidential elections (somewhere between July and September), a bubble that will have been forming in the stock market will burst, sending the economy into a bit of a decline. The Bush administration, having redeemed itself a bit, in terms of economics, will pour a bunch of money into subsidies in order to keep things afloat. Because of this decline, a highly undecided population will completely lose faith in Republicans and elect a Democrat as their president. That president will be faced with the challenge of getting the market back to a natural pace, thus not needing subsidies. This will take a while. In the meantime, whatever new plans of socialization and reform that the new president ran his campaign on will have gone down the drain because of our tax dollars being used to boost the economy. The public will forget about the fact that the economic trouble began under the previous president, only focussing on the fact that this president couldn't bring us out of it and make good on his campaign promises, and consider his election a mistake and he will only serve one term.
End

We'll get a good feel for how on I am in 2008...this should be fun. Stay tuned!

Time for some news... A break from Cuba

I'll get back to posting about my trip to Cuba sometime soon. I've been getting caught up on society in the last 10 days since I got back from my month long time away. So...

The US along with British officials is fining British Airways for price-gouging. 121mPounds by the UK and $300mil from the US. These fines are going to accompany a class-action lawsuit that will be filed by millions of British customers. Apparently Virgin and BA colluded on this deal but Virgin pulled out and tattled on BA which is what led to this whole thing. The main thing was over how much they were making the customers make-up for the rising cost of oil...and here it is...is it at all possible that US oil companies might be doing the same thing? Of course it's possible, but would the US ever fine its own bread and butter?

The British military released a study that it conducted on the effects of mental trauma on its veterans of the most recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The results show that there is severe effects seen in family breakdowns, alcholism, and mental health problems. Isn't that amazing...somehow the British can manage to admit that war scars people but we, with many many more fucked up soldiers returning home are offering little assistance oreven recognizing the fact that they are indeed messed up. Oh, I know...US wars are about justice...wars like that don't mess people up. DENY DENY DENY. That's they way of our government...until of course enough evidence builds and then they slowly investigate.

Only weeks before Congress goes on a small break, they pass a bill that allows warrantless wire tapping and monitoring of international phone calls and emails. I just made a friend in Cuba who i've been keeping touch with...there's part of me that wants to say some shit that gets those fuckers knocking on my door.

Now, speaking of Congress going on a break. How many people do you know that get to take a month off of work without a huge blow to their pocketbook? I certainly don't know many. With that said, until Congress starts making conditions so that the people they represent get at least a month off without fear of financial ruin, I better see some town hall meetings going on every damn night while those assholes aren't doing their job in Washington.

One last good one...Since the beginning of the war the US military has lost at least 190,000 weapons and more than half of the supplies that were supposed to go the training the Iraqi military since they began their war in 2003. During this time they were saying that the sudden increase in armed insurgents must be because Iran is funding them. Now, I'm not saying that Iran is innocent but I have a funny feeling that we may have been paying to have our own soldiers shot at. Isn't that fun!

Tales of a Commie (Part 2) - Havana round 1

I fell asleep on the plane but woke up just in time to see us approaching Cuba from the Gulf of Mexico. I saw a small bit of shoreline before it was completely engulfed by costal fog. It reminded me of Santa Cruz. As we were coming in for the landing I felt less safe than I normally feel on airplanes. As far as I can guess this comes from my understanding of Cuba up to this point as a 3rd world country whose technology is not as good as in my country. The way the air-conditioning on the plane spewed out steam didn’t help with my lack of faith in the Cubana airplane. I realized that I was going to need to drop my previous notions of Cuba in order to fully experience it – that I couldn’t learn with whatever blinders I may have had on prior to this.
We landed in Havana sometime in the late morning. At this point I’m thoroughly excited because this is where my learning begins not to mention the fact that after all the sleepless nights and work we’ve done, the thought of getting to step foot on Cuban soil (officially breaking the blockade) was finally becoming a reality. I’m a staying at a church in a working class neighborhood of Havana with people from our group that are mostly in their upper 40’s or older. There are only two other guys that are close to my age. The reason I chose this place is because I figured I could observe downtown Havana any time I wanted by taking a cab there, so staying in the place close to downtown didn’t make much sense. A neighborhood like this I could only observe if I was staying in it…it’s definitely not one of the tourist areas.
On the way in to Havana from the airport I was expecting conditions to be like most of what I’ve seen in Mexico. Nothing was as I expected it. The scenery was amazing…I had never seen a tropical place before. But there was so much more. All around I see power lines and power sub-stations nearly identical to the ones we have in the US. This place isn’t traditional 3rd world. It’s developed (from a physical standpoint) to the best of its ability, which isn’t far off from most of the US. One major difference is the buildings. All of the buildings are old looking. Most of them look pretty dilapidated but in that, they aren’t gross like the housing projects in US inner cities. They maintain a certain respectability that I can’t really explain with words. I think it’s because they weren’t dumps…instead of being run-down they were just quaint. From the condition of everything, it made me wonder what it would be like if they were able to have enough money to keep everything fixed up. Is that one of their values or would they prefer to spend their time doing more meaningful things as long as the basic purpose of the buildings (waterproof shelter) was being fulfilled?
After dinner at Luyano (the church I’m staying at) I had a chance to look around the neighborhood before we left for our first cultural event. On almost every doorstep family members were hanging out with each other and their neighbors. In the middle of the streets groups of kids were playing soccer or rolling down the hills on makeshift skateboards. The older people mostly just hang out in their doorways, but the younger people, both kids and adults, will wave or say something in Spanish that sounds like a kind greeting. On the way to the William Carey Baptist Church for our first ‘cultural event’ I noticed that the whole city was full of people just hanging out and playing. The only hostility I sense is in the drivers – there’s a lot of honking, which I would later find out is how they drive courteously…they honk when passing people or entering certain types of intersections to let people know they’re there…that way they don’t wreck. All over the place there were people on bicycles. Most of them had more than one person though. On one, there was a mom with a kid in her lap who was sitting in front of the dad who was peddling.
The William Carey Center is another one of the churches that people from our group are staying at. It’s only two blocks from the main downtown tourist area. In their courtyard they had chairs and a stage set up that they pulled from their indoor sanctuary. The first act was some musical things – nothing all that great. The best part was the dancing. They are part of the best dance group in Cuba. They consisted of boys and girls anywhere from 10 to 18 who have obviously put a great deal of time practicing their dances to the point where they were perfect. The dancers were all perfectly in sync with each other. Just when we thought it was done every single one of the dancers came back out. They were all up and down the aisles and filling the stage. At first it was a very high-energy planned dance. Eventually it turned into more of an improv dance. Their body language and enthusiasm for the stuff they were doing is how I came to the conclusion that it was improv. There was a designated leader and what that person did the others followed…and they followed very well. When they finally left stage to their dressing room you could hear, over our rowdy applause, their own applause and excitement. The whole atmosphere was enough to make even a cynic like me damn near cry. This is the first time that it occurs to me that their culture transcends the material problems the people face. Their culture is so rich that the poverty they experience, in comparison to the wealth of Americans and other wealthy nations, is of very little importance. This is one of the first things to know in understanding Cuba. And here’s another thing…the training that these kids got in dance is free because their government wants to support the cultural arts.
The following morning is our tour of La Habana Vieja (Old Havana). This is one of the few areas of Havana that is in the process of restoring their old buildings for a prettier look. One thing that should be noted here is that when the buildings are restored the families who have lived in them still get to live there. It’s not like typical gentrification you see in the US. The tour guide gives us a brief history of the old garrisons that still occupy some of the city and history of the struggle from colonial times that the people of Cuba have come through to get to where they are today. There is a lot to see in Habana Vieja. Along every street there are locals who make themselves into photo-ops. Old women smoking cigars and dressed in extravagant clothing will let you take their picture for a few pesos. The people of the community still hang out and don’t seem to mind all of the tourists.
Later in the day we make a visit to the ‘120 year old club’. This is a group started by doctors who figured out a life style which they believe has the potential to keep them alive and healthy to at least 120 years of age. I personally wouldn’t want to live that long, but more power to ‘em for trying.
Instead of going back to Luyano I decide to stay in downtown Havana. For hours I walk around looking at the shops and people. It is weird not being able to communicate with people. Even though there are hundreds of people around me there’s a weird sense of loneliness in it. At one point a Cuban from one store spoke English to me. That catches me off guard so I buy ice-cream from him.
A group of us decide to walk to a hotel where there is a restaurant and bar on the roof with live music. It’s about a 5k walk through very urban feeling neighborhoods. It was a change of scenery to see real Havana locals hanging out in their own bars, not the tourist ones. On one corner there is a group of men surrounding a table in the middle of the street where they’re playing dominoes under a streetlamp. When we get to the hotel there is a guy making sure that no Cubans are coming in…it’s a law that unless working at tourist hotels, Cubans aren’t allowed in. My first reaction is that it isn’t all that nice that the people don’t get to go into the nicer places in their neighborhoods, but then again, I don’t go to hotels in my town. Later on I ask someone about that law. When tourism was pretty new to Cuba men from foreign countries would come over to Cuba and bring young Cubans up to their rooms to have their way with them. The Cuban government began pressing charges against these tourists, which didn’t go over too well with those folks countries of origin. Eventually this law was passed as a protective measure for the Cuban people. This is another thing to understand about Cuban society… most of the laws they pass are protective…not like the US where we need to pass a law for every little thing all the way down to how tinted your windows on your car can be.
On the way back to Luyano, Dan (one of the IFCO staff people my age) and I shared a cab. Dan speaks pretty fluent Spanish but since Luyano isn’t in Havana proper the driver doesn’t know where it is. He takes us a long way around before he gets close and stops to ask for directions. At this point I think that the place we’re staying is pretty run down. But then he drives us through a part of town that is really poor looking. All of the roads off of the main street didn’t have streetlamps. They didn’t even looked like they were paved all that well. Even without that though the people were still hanging out with each other. It’s about 11 at night and kids are still playing hopscotch and the adults are all playing dominoes or talking. At about midnight and a half I’m still sitting outside with some of the folks I’m staying with. All over you hear loud music and entire families still awake, just hanging out. Now I’m wondering why the kids don’t have bedtimes and why no one seems to work during the day.

Tales of a Commie (Part 1) - Getting to Cuba

This is the first installment of what I believe will be 5 describing my trip to Cuba. I've decided to write it this way because I want to make you really work to find out what I did in Cuba...since we can't really have a conversation in person in which I would be really vague, I'm just going to make you read a whole bunch. For some reason this part is mostly in present tense...i don't really know what's up with that. Enjoy!

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On 14 July 2007 I landed in McAllen, TX to begin my mission to Cuba. The group I’m with is called IFCO/Pastors for Peace (Pastors). They are a group that has been involved in promoting various types of solidarity work since the late 1960’s – from foreign work in Latin America to domestic groups in African American movements. At this point all I know of Pastors is that, despite the name, they are not necessarily a Christian organization. They operate on more of a Unitarian mentality, akin to many groups who claim to follow liberation theology. I’m interested to see what type of people I run into. Everyone on the caravan is there because they want to have a part in ending the US blockade against Cuba, and in my experience these types are very anti-American to the point that they blinded by hate from seeing the injustice on the other side of whatever cause they might be serving.
I have two goals for this trip. Primarily I want to learn as much as I can about Cuba in a way that is fair to the truths presented on both the pro and anti-Castro sides of the debate. As with most parts of my life I’m also very interested in meeting the people that I’m on the caravan with learning their stories – why they are involved in this work and where they come from in life.
Our time in Texas had two main purposes. We had to pack, mark, and manifest the aid we were taking into the vehicles that would take us to the Gulf of Mexico as well as learn the basics of what we were going to experience in Cuba and crossing both into Mexico and back into the states in direct violation of the US government. They leadership told war-stories of things that had happened in past year – times when they went on hunger strikes and were beaten by the border officials. Most importantly was that we were to be non-violent and stubborn in any attempt the officials made to pry unnecessary information from us. The worst-case scenario is that they will try to take all of the aid from us and prevent us from being able to take it to Cuba.
In order to save time and space I’ll skip the specifics about the days in McAllen. All that’s really important is that on zero hours of sleep I and busy packing buses and trucks, typing up manifests and translating them into Spanish (I don’t speak Spanish so that was fun), and doing at least one security shift at night from 2 to 4 in the morning. The purpose for security I will take the time to explain. There are two groups out there who will go to great lengths to sabotage the work we are getting ready to do. The first is a group of Cuban people who don’t live in Cuba (they mainly live in Florida/Miami) and are absolutely militant about not supporting the Castro government(1) . The second is the US government. Our fear is that one or both of these groups will attack the credibility of Pastors by planting drugs on our vehicles, so when we cross the border we will get negative press coverage. There’s also the fear of theft, but that isn’t as big of a threat as the former.
On my night shifts doing security there were a lot of cars with darkly tinted windows that would drive by very slowly, numerous times, often times changing the license plates between Mexican plates, Texas plates, and government plates. What were they really going to do? My guess is that it was really only meant as intimidation. The morning before we left they had been circling all night. We were keeping the time we left a secret, even to the people on the caravan, because one year they put up roadblocks so our vehicles couldn’t leave the ‘compound’.
At 4 in the morning we started waking everyone up. On the outside it looked like everything was normal. On the inside though the people were busy getting their stuff ready to rush out to the buses so the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) people wouldn’t try to stop us from leaving. At about 6 a.m. the exodus began. As I stood guard at one of the gates the people made their way to the buses. The buses started, we opened the gates, I boarded one of the buses and off we went to the border. All of the agents that had been patrolling gave us a nice little escort all the way through town to the border. When we got there, there were border patrol cars, lights flashing, blocking the road in order to direct us into a special inspection station. They did very little. We had to get off our buses and they scanned the buses with this giant x-ray machine they have. This is where they took our computers.
When they took the computers off our bus, they did the same thing they did a few weeks prior on the Canadian border when part of our caravan was bringing medical supplies across the border. They said that they would be held for no longer than 30 days in order to determine if they were duel use computers, meaning that they could be used for military purposes. The only resistance I heard about was a smart-ass comment made by the leader of the whole thing, Lucius Walker. A DHS officer asked if he could get a picture with Lucius to show his family and he replied, ‘why don’t you show them a picture of you taking our computers.’ Although that was a funny reply, our lack of resistance led me to question the purpose of our taking all this aid across(2).
The next part was getting through Mexican customs. They too had us pull into a special station. They then told us to take everything off the buses and out of the trucks. We declined their offer. We unloaded about 20 items from each truck so they could compare our manifests. They were told that if they wanted it all unloaded they would have to do it themselves, which naturally made them go by our rules. The communication of the Mexican officials was terrible. We (all 120+ of us) ended up waking back and forth across their whole border place several times before they figured out what the hell they were doing. We were having a problem getting visas for vehicles. Especially a bus that didn’t have a VIN number on it. This bus was packed full with aid. We were just about to get the bus when one of our drivers wrecked into a roof section of an area they told us we had to pull all of our vehicles into. The roof was too short but everyone seemed to have overlooked that.
We got to the border at 7 that morning. The main group left at about noon or 1. A handful of us stayed behind to do whatever was going to have to be done with the bus. On my end of things this was a great opportunity to hang out with some of the best people on the caravan. Eventually we were able to get one of our passenger buses to come and we proceeded to load all of the aid from the condemned bus onto that one. We left the border at midnight that day. We had to be up at 4 the next morning to begin our drive to the Gulf, and the group of us that stayed behind still had to eat and shower. I slept about 2 hours that night at our hotel in Reynosa, Mexico.
In the morning we had to re-pack everything in order fit all of the people and all of the aid in light of the fact that we had a full bus less space than we did the day before. Before all of this took place though a lady came up and offered to buy me a cup of coffee and breakfast at the 7-11. She ended up being one of my favorite people ever. Her name is Diane. She has been at this protest business for a long time. As an example how involved she is, she was invited to Loretta Scott King’s funeral. She has a condition similar to MS. About 90% of her muscle is deteriorating but that doesn’t stop her from going out there and getting arrested and telling the government what she thinks. I can’t really say what it is, but there is just something about her that makes her one of the most pleasant people I’ve ever met.
Back to the re-packing… Just as we got the plan together and began pulling all of the stuff off to re-pack, the sky bursts open dumping flood-worthy amounts of water on us. Despite that we continued to pack. Some people were complaining, but those were the people who complained about most everything. I guess they don’t understand that this trip isn’t a vacation. Finally we began making our way to Tampico, Mexico. We arrived close to midnight and unloaded all of the aid onto containers that would be put onto barges. That night we were to stay at a hotel that would have showers, breakfast, and a pool. The last group of us got the hotel at about 4 in the morning. We had to leave at 6 in order to catch our plane at 7:30 that morning. Most of us didn’t sleep. We swam, ate, and showered then got on the buses to the airport.

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1. Before the revolution most of the bigger industries of Cuba were owned by rich American individuals and corporations. Agriculture being the best example. On these massive farms Cubans were employed for very poor wages and kept in plantation style accommodations while the landowners realized huge profits. Most of these plantations were run by Cubans who were paid a lot by the Americans to keep the workers under control. When Castro assumed power he set out to redistribute the property. He gave much of the property to the workers who had been exploited for so many years. It was theirs to own and maintain for generations to come. The Cubans who had once enslaved their own people sought exile in the US. Here they tried to get their property back. The new Cuban government said that they would give them their property but only a portion that they could farm on their own. They weren’t about to let the people be subject to those conditions again and they were also concerned that too much useable land my go un-farmed. To this day those once rich anti-revolutionary Cubans wage a war to end the Castro government.

2. I’ve written a letter to IFCO saying that I think the trip needs to be more aggressive, not in terms of violence but in our active resistance, if we’re going to make any progress. I may post the letter some time.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

So, here I am in Denver, CO. Why is it, that in the middle of the country the people who run the hostel I'm staying at are creepy-ass Slavic folks? If I don't survive the night...Mike, you can have my useful things, and Jon, you can have my worthless things.

The past month seems like a blur. It began on July 4th when I left on a trip with 7 high school guys on a skate trip/camp to Oregon. I must add that this was a great 10 days. We drove home on July 13th arriving about midnight then I did my laundry and caught a plane to Texas where I didn't get more than about 2 hours of consecutive sleep for the next 7 days. I logged it somewhere, but off the top of my head, I think the hours of sleep I got from July 13th - 19th was in the low 20s.

I had a brief stay in Texas as posted before, and am now going to cry myself to sleep in creepy-as-fuck Denver hostel after a 20 hour ride on a more-than-usually uncomfortable bus.

But, on the train ride home I'll be typing up my thoughts on Cuba. No guarantee as to when that will be posted, but hopefully it wont suck. I learned a lot when I was there about both Cuba, the US, and the world in general. A few beliefs that I've carried with me over the years became more solidified and some less. It should be fun. Most importantly, I can't wait to sleep in my own warm comfortable bed.

A report from the Fair Mother City

So, here I am. A place I never really thought I'd be. The one and only Abilene, TX! Compared to the other parts of Texas I've seen over the last few weeks, this place is...well, fair. I'm hanging out with Agent B and friends enjoying the sights and winding down from my most recent adventure.

We crossed back into Texas from Cuba (by way of Mexico) on July 28th without incident unfortunately. As some of you may have read on Mike's blog we had the computers that we had with us seized when we crossed into Mexico. The US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) had to make sure that they weren't duel use computers - meaning that they needed to determine whether or not they could possibly be used to assist the Cuban military in a violent assault on the peaceful people of the wonderful US of A. Hopefully you caught the sarcasm. DHS had been patrolling our 'basecamp' in McAllen for a number of days before we crossed into Mexico, so they had to get something out of all the work they put in, making sure that our support to a 'terrorist state' didn't go unpunished.

Now, more than ever I am absolutely sick of the American Empire. Hopefully I'll be able to get some quality writing time in on the train ride home over the next few days, so I can share with you all my experience and the experience of the Cuban people.

For now, from the Fair Mother City I wish you all well. (although I'm currently in the company of one third of my viewers so, mike and james, that's for you) BUH BYE!!

Viva Solidarity!

So, I'm in McAllen, TX right now preparing to go to Cuba with Pastors for Peace. I've been here for two full days now. Meeting all the people and observing how a group this large interacts has been an adventure in itself so far. It seems that most of these liberal folks that I'm with are pretty laid back. They don't want to push anything on anyone else so most comments are passed off as merely suggestions. The most closed minded of the folks seem to be the younger ones. It's pretty damn funny to watch.

Anyways my whole point in writing is to say that we're going to leave here early Tuesday morning to cross into Mexico. This is the part where the caravan has been stopped in the past - computers seized, buses held, breast pumps confiscated, etc. Part of our group from Canada had a bunch of stuff held at customs when they were crossing into the US a week and a half ago. Events like that and the events of the past suggest that there is always the possibility of being hassled at the border. If in fact we do get hassled and it lasts long enough for the press to get wind of it, it would be great if you all (all four of you who read my blog) would be watching for it on various newsfeeds, and give your congressional representatives a call and say, "listen up fucker! I've got a friend down there and you better call someone and let that aid get to Cuba." I'll let you all know how it goes in a week or so.

a mind dump before I leave

As far as I know this will be the last post I will have for quite some time. Tomorrow morning I accompany a group of seven high schools tudents on a four day skate trip in Oregon followed by a week-long Young Life camp before I head off to Cuba for a few weeks. There’s something about the pressure of making sure I have everything ready for so many people to have a great week that I thoroughly enjoy. I almost thrive on moments like this. As my night was winding down I was driving along with this weird feeling. I didn’t know what it was. I wasn’t anxious, sad, happy, angry, desperate, or any of those common emotions one might expect when taking on such and endeavor. I called up a friend to let him know about a speaking position he might want to fill. He was happy that I thought of him, then asked if he could pray for me. I pulled over to the side of the road and over the phone he prayed for the kids and me and all that fun stuff. The weirdest thing happened…this odd moist sensation began to develop around my eyes. Suddenly there was this strange trickle of salty water hitting my lips. I finally was able to put my finger on what this indescribable emotion that was pestering me was…JOY. I’ll leave the explanation for it alone.

What this led me to was thinking about what a great responsibility I have ahead of me. I have to be the single adult in charge of these kids for four days until I get to the camp…not a big deal. Once I’m at camp I get a little relief but still the task of making sure the kids come away from the camp week, having experienced God (whether they know it or not), is now on my mind. At Young Life camps, they follow the traditional approach to teaching the gospel - Look at Jesus, this super cool guy…ooh isn’t he awesome, well lets find out what makes him even cooler…first the bad news, you’re going to hell for being a sinner…now that that’s over with, feel bad that it’s you that made him die on the cross…ok, now that you are emotionally broken, he rose from the dead in order that you may have life...don’t know what the hell that means but just trust us, you’re life is gonna be great if you follow our ways.

THIS DRIVES ME UP A FUCKIN WALL!!!

I started thinking how I can balance being contrary to the way they are presenting the gospel but not so much that the kids don’t learn something from the camp or possibly come away as bitter as I am. What is it that I need to say and do in order to make sure the kids have learned about Jesus and God without showing complete animosity toward the way it’s being fed to them from up front? I tried to sleep then picked up a book that I’m reading…Emma Goldman’s autobiography. Right where I left off was where she began her first lecture tour. She began describing her first lecture…she got up and something grasped her…true emotion, true enthusiasm for the subject on which she was speaking. In her following few lectures she wasn’t able to harness that and wasn’t satisfied with not having spoken from her heart. What got her first audience so excited was, as she puts it, ‘strange and magic words that welled up from within me, from some unfamiliar depth.’

I want that. Whether they accept it or not, my job is to let these kids know about a god that they might want to be with, not some god that they feel sorry for. The things that I’m passionate about, involving God, are complex in practice but simple in theory. Most notably, community. Like Mike talked about. A community in which you have to face things/people that you may not like but somehow you enjoy every bit of it. A community where everyone is welcome – even sinners (not something Christians are very good at promoting). The God I believe in loves people. He accepts people. He is patient with people. He also makes it possible for people to know they’ve screwed up (not to be confused with wrath or punishment). People don’t have to know him in order for him to know them. My god probably gets pissed off from time to time. He might even wish bad things on us so that we might learn. But above all that, he loves them and tolerates them.

That’s what I’m enthusiastic about. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I often think that I worship a different god than most Christians. It’s going to take a lot for me to not be a cynical bastard (outwardly) with a lot of things that I encounter at this camp but I hope that if I can maintain the composure to stay focused on what I’m passionate about, I, and these kids, will have a great week. That’s it. Nothing too profound…mainly just a mind dump.

A Short History of Progress (book review)

This is the first book that I've read all the way through in only a matter of days, in quite a while now. Ronald Wright, a Canadian novelist, essayist, and historian introduces his book with an explanation of a painting by Paul Gauguin, on which the words, 'Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we gong?' are painted. This is is the criteria for questioning that Wright follows in his assessment of failed civilizations over the span of human civilization. As he pulls from a large selection of anecdotal evidence, Wright paints a picture of the mistakes that civilizations have made over the last few millenia, from over farming to over production. One case he writes about is that of Easter Island, an island rich with forest that sustained a civilization for a good period of time. In the end, the people of the island became so greedy in their search for power and significance that they litterally cut down the last tree that they could have used in order make a canoe to get off the place because they were blinded by progress. Though there are funny stories like this strewn throughout the book, the overall tone is much more dim.

By the end of the book the feeling you get is that this is written as less of an informative history and more of a plea for change. He points out dangers such as the militarization of space, underproducing food for and overpopulated world, and echoes warnings of fellow writers (Huxley, Orwell, Coetzee, and Hoban) on globalization and complacency. In the final pages, Wright expresses his belief that the powers that be are simply ignoring what we are doing to the earth and the demise we are driving ourselves toward, on the hope that God will come fix at night what we've destroyed by day and goes on to say "none of this should surprise us after reading the flight recorders in the wreckage of crashed civilizations; our present behaviour is tyical of failed societies at the zenith of their greed and arrogance." He wraps the book up by showing that the fallen civilizations of the ancient world were at the time a mere speckle of what the earth had to offer as far as people and nature goes; but this time, with growing interdependance and the massive amount of people at the mercy of few, civilization faces a much more brutal fate, with possibly no hope for recovery - that 'now is our last chance to get the future right.'

It's a quick read. If you have time and read fairly quick, it can easily be an evening read...132 pages.

Oprah's Vajayjay

Yes, that's how you spell vajayjay. And here's what's going on with Oprah Winfrey's.

Bringing my two worlds together

When the President Talks to God

When the President talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long
Does he ask to rape our women’s rights
And send poor farm kids off to die
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the President talks to God

When the President talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft.
Is he resolute all down the line
Is every issue black or white
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the President talks to God

When the President talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod
Agree which convicts should be killed
Where prisons should be built and filled
Which voter fraud must be concealed

When the President talks to Godv
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs, the ghetto’s broke
‘No, they’re lazy George, I say we don’t
Just give ‘em more liquor stores and dirty coke’
That’s what God recommends

When the President talks to God
Do they drink Near Beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved
I guess God just calls a spade a spade
When the President talks to God

When the President talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he’s not
That, that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the President talks to God

My coming trip...

In my travels this summer I will be heading to Cuba among many other places. In Cuba I am hoping to take a lot of pictures as well as talk to the locals to get to know the culture better. I'm going to do a little write-up when I'm done and hope to provide a well rounded look into the political and cultural aspects of Cuba. There are alot of good things that many people don't know about Cuba that I'd like to bring to light. In hanging out with latin american activist folks I've observed that most of these people spend most of their time defending Castro as well as other leftist leaders in south and central america. I would agree that these leaders aren't as bad as most American people think but there are also things that these activist folks ignore. For example, why, if as they say, Cuba is such a great place and Castro isn't that bad, do people risk their lives getting to America. Also, I heard a story from some people who hired a kid to drive them around for a day when they were in Cuba and he was a little scared that he might get arrested if anyone knew that they hired him...because he's not an official taxi driver.

My question to you folks is this...if you were to interview people in Cuba, what would you want to find out more about? What questions would you ask people or what subjects would you discuss? I know a few things I'd like to learn but what about you. I need a little help here to be more creative in my interview(ings). Please point other people in the direction of this blog so that I can get as much feedback on the subject as possible before I head off. For now I'm going to Montana! Thanks!!

What's the matter with the kids today?

Today I went to the college that I'll be attending for the next few years (San Jose State University) to take care of some business. I went into the Political Science department head's office to figure out what it is that I need to do to be successful in the program - maybe to get some advice on special things to do in order to make the most of the program. He was a pompous asshole. That was the first thing that made my excitement about going to school there dwindle.

Then I went to register for a writing test that I have to take in order to enroll in any of the upper division courses. The girl (my age) who was running the little office there kept using the word "HELLA". This is a word I don't like. I associate it with stuck up valley type people...you know, yuppies. It's something rich kids say. They say it before everything. For example, "Me and Marcy went to the mall today and had a HELLA fun time. We ate HELLA food at Baja Fresh and it was HELLA good dawg. We're gonna HELLA party HELLA hard this weekend at Jimmy's HELLA big house. It's gonna be HELLA tite!" Walking through the campus I heard that word in conversations. IT WAS HELLA STUPID!!

Then, I'm walking along and I see a guy walking toward me. He looked my age, seemed like a normal dude just from looking at him. As he got right next to me, he took one big step and off he went on his fucking Heelies...you know, those shoes with the wheel in the heel that send thousands of kids to the hospitals each month. Come on dude you in your twenties. That might be okay for a 6 year old but not for a college student!

A few months ago I was having a conversation with someone who graduated from that college. He encouraged me to get involved with student groups within my area of focus so I can get to know people and feel like I'm part of the community, that it may pay off some day when I need a job or some sort of connection. Judging from what I saw at the place today I'm pretty damn certain that getting to know people at that school wont do much good for me. There's a good chance that it might even lessen my chances of achieving some level of greatness. I'm still excited to be finally going to a 4 year university but I'm not looking forward to having to be around those people. Yes, because I think I am better than them!

A Few Thoughts

1) I've been following this story for the past few weeks about a UN inspector who is inspecting holding facilities in the US for illegal immigrants. When I first read the story, my thought was, ‘it’s about time the US gets investigated for something.’ Now most of the investigations have taken place. A few however were cancelled at the last minute and no reason was given. The only one that was given a reason was a cancellation in TX in which the facility spokesman basically said that they were in the middle of a law suit with the ACLU and didn’t want any incrimination brought about that could aide the ACLU. The whole part about us denying a UN inspector and not wanting to incriminate ourselves reminds me of the 01/02 time-frame when Iraq kept denying UN weapons inspectors. Just one more example of how hypocritical our government is.

2) I once heard an explanation terrorists are basically created the same way gang members are -- poor people (young men) looking for dignity but get into situations they can’t get out of. I’ve always like this, but put some more thought into it today. Terrorism has 3 attributes according to international law: a) the threat or act of violence creating a climate of fear, b) targets civilians, and c) is based upon political, social, economic, or religious reasons. (With this definition, basically everyone who commits a crime is a terrorist, but our national and state laws also define certain crimes, so people aren’t tried as terrorists for everything…that’s not my point though.)

The obvious solution to the causes of terrorism as described above is to alleviate the conditions of poverty and such things that cause this behavior. My recent criticism of this theory is as follows… by targeting poverty as the cause of terrorism we might ignore many other issues. Governments for example…our government has had a history of terrorist activities based on the 3 criteria above. (Sure, we don’t ‘target’ civilians we call it collateral damage.) Terrorist groups like al-Qaeda are made up of mostly middle-class educated people. At least one of the guys that hi-jacked the planes for the 9-11 thing had been in school in Germany as an example… not poor and ignorant like we want to assume.

So, as far as I can wrap my brain around it, the danger of focusing on the cause of terrorism being poverty, we might ignore our role in the whole situation and also ignore holding our government accountable for it’s actions. We are trying to ‘Americanize’ the entire world and people hate us for it. While doing this we are also taking part in terrorist type activities, holding ourselves to different standards, and further pissing people off. There was an even stronger point I had come up with but I seem to have forgotten it now. That sucks…it was a good one. Of course we should take some responsibility in alleviating world poverty, but not in the name of fighting terrorism. Our reason should just be, ‘because we can’

3) I’ve been reading the Old Testament because I never have and I don’t know many of the stories from it in depth. I want to examine a few things while reading it. When and why does God call for war? What things might be metaphor and not realistic? With that – why would it be important for certain things to not be seen as history but as symbolism? What notions do I have of God that might be wrong or at least not completely biblical or correct?

What I’ve found so far: Not only is Got a jealous god, but he is pretty damn forgetful too. A few times so far God is about to put his wrath on some people and someone says, “wait, what about your promises to us?” and God says, “Oh shit! You’re right, I almost screwed that up. Thanks man, here’s a treat.”

There’s more that I’ve learned, but that’s the most fun right now.

Mother's day

I saw this sign on the way down the highway today. Kinda thought it was funny...ironic I suppose.

Mother's Day
I haven't sent any flower or cards to my mom for Mother's Day over the past few years. A couple of times I've gone over to her town and taken her out to dinner but I try not to go there too often. This year she's married and was going to be in an even shittier town celebrating mother's day with her new husband and some of his family so I stayed in Santa Cruz. I have this thing where I don't like to buy stuff for holidays. I hold firm in my belief that most holidays are simply there for companies to sell shit. They may not have always had that purpose but since holidays have turned into marketing devices I refuse to participate. I could have made a card and sent it to her, but even then I would be buying supplies in support of the holiday. I've gotten some flack because I choose not to do this. The main arguement is that it's not about me it's about her. I have to admit that it is a little selfish that I might be making her kind of sad in an attempt to hold to my own values but hopefully she will understand.

Time for a rant!

In my frustration with the media coverage of the guy that crashed his truck in Oakland, CA I wrote a letter to the editor of our local paper that got published this past Sunday*. I was actually kind of amazed that they published it because I accused them of libel.

This whole thing has made me even more frustrated with the world we live in. Seriously, I hate our world. Everybody falls into one of three categories: 1) Assholes who only look out for their own interests (CEO's, politicians, and religious leaders) 2) Giant pussies who are afraid to stand up for what is right and rely on other people to make decisions for them, or 3) people who do the best make their point only to be dissappointed at the end of the day knowing that their world is just one day closer to being a complete shit hole. Why can't option 3, the people that really care about the world, have as much media coverage as category 1? I'm no genius, but I'd bet that the number of people in the world who are willing to put aside religious issues and other such hang-ups in order to create a more peaceful and safe world (2 & 3), greatly out-number the folks who want power at any cost(1). But no-one hears us.

The media has special protection under the consitution because of the importance put on personal freedom. The media is protected in order for it to be able to provide information that you wouldn't normally get from your government...because the framers of the constitution understood, as much as all of us do, that governments lie...not just our government, but ALL governments. I don't know where I was first introduced to the following idea, but somewhere along the way someone said that 'the government and media can't tell you what to think, but they can tell you what to think about'.

When AP and all the papers across the country publish one man's criminal record, when it has nothing to do with any crime committed or foul play of any kind, what is it that they are not telling us. What drives them to publish sensational bullshit instead of real news? My answer: the media can't get any answers from the government so they've given up. Just like in the Rawanda deal in the 90's, the U.S. and the entire world community is being cautious about calling the problem in Darfur genocide. If they were to do that, then according to U.N. agreements, they'd have to intervene. They have not been able to come up with anything, so the press leaves it alone. It's not sexy enough to print.

I have a bit of a theory. It's not original, just my own take on it. The world is getting dumber (or is it 'more dumber'?...yes I'm funny). Look at the US. Because of TV and other forms of motion media, people don't need to read. We see this problem in our own schools. News papers and other print periodicals can provide a vast array of mainstream and underground knowledge that you can't get anywhere else. But with the growth in illiteracy, or at least proficient literacy, less people are reading these, they're going out of print, and we must rely on the electronic media. What happens is that whatever is shown on TV is all people know about, and the only news they get. Such as the lack of coverage on the battle of naming what is going on in Darfur. In the mid 20th century, Nepal was faced with a massive change in government. There were communists, socialists, royalists, and the list goes on of different parties who were trying to control the county. What it boiled down to was who had access to radio and TV to get their views across because the vast majority of the population was illiterate. Same thing as in Rawanda; the Hutu extremists made use of radio broadcasts to get the people up in arms to slaughter the Tutsi.

What I think this leads to is simple. Since electronic media is funded mainly by advertising, the public is more and more bombarded with ads. These ads tell little boys and girls what they can and can't be. They tell kids that they need to watch "the OC" because that's where they'll learn how to be cool. All of this is done for the sake of money. The marketing firms and corporations are just out to make another buck...and they're doing it at the expense of us, and more importantly our kids. Higher teen pregnancy rates, highers death rates, school shootings, drug use...on and on and on.

What can we do? NOT A DAMN THING!! But it feels good to try.




*text of my letter:
I feel a deep sympathy for this Mosqueda guy who crashed his truck in Oakland. He was well past the TSA standards for driving hazmat and posed no threat. The whole point of prison and recovery is re-integration into mainstream society so people can show reform and become productive citizens — just like Mosqueda has done with his 10 years of sobriety and having a job. But as the way of the media, there must be a scandal. If anyone should be scolded and their reputation tainted, it should be AP for reporting this libel and the Sentinel as well as every other paper for printing it. The reports could have been excitement that, amazingly, nobody got hurt. But that wouldn't accomplish their goal of keeping the fear level at "orange!"

I've had my one-in-a-milliion situation in ministry

So, I gave a talk tonight. I'm never nervous about speaking in front of middle school kids because I do it often. Tonight however I was a little nervous. I gave my talk tonight on what this whole God/Jesus thing means to me. I started off by telling the kids that the've been dealt a crappy hand in life. That the world sucks. And that we went through the Jesus story to find a solution to our shitty world. I proceeded to tell them that at one point I stopped believing in God and eventually came back to faith because I re-discovered what God was.

Anyways...here's the fun part. After the talk, I was milling around and a kid grabbed me and struck up a converstation about my talk and how it interested him. How he is trying to figure out this whole God thing and he's not sure what to think, but what I said was intrigueing(spelling?). Then his friends came around and he stopped talking.

Every youth worker hopes at some point that a kid will engage them in conversation about God or whatever. It makes us feel like we're doing our job...even for me. I don't ever expect to "lead a kid to Christ" in the traditional sense, but I do enjoy a nice real conversation and l like to hear kids question things. All I want to do, is be there to help them think through things. This is probably the only time this will ever happen in the rest of my ministry career...and that's ok. James was the youth pastor at a church I went to in early high school. I wonder if I was that kid for him at all -- the one that he never thought he'd "reach" -- although i didn't really hang around him much. But I can imagine that if the NOW me was working with the THEN me, the NOW me would be pretty damn frustrated.

Anyways, tonight I as encouraged. That's nice for a change. I get verbal encouragement from people all the time, but this was a different type of encouragement.

My name is Thomas...or is it Judas?

I've been wondering lately what my purpose in working with kids is. What does God have in store for me? It's funny that Mike posted his recent 'Marginalia' post about the same time that I'm wondering many of the same things as him. It could have something to do with the fact that we live in the same place, but I'm not going to entertain that idea...it would be too easy. Although it could be something in the water.

Anyways, at the youth group I work with, we just finished the story of Jesus right around Easter. Since then I've been having the leaders tell the kids -- in the weekly talk -- about what this whole God/Jesus thing means to them. They've been telling these warm fuzzy stories about feeling accepted by God and being able to turn to God when they couldn't turn to anyone else..blah blah blah. Can I vomit now? The reason I say that is because I've never felt that crap. My entire history of faith has for the most part been brief moments of clarity surrounded by an assload of doubt.

I suppose my job, my purpose, is to share Jesus with these kids. Two problems: 1) I don't even feel like I have a grasp on that stuff most of the time. What is it that they need to hear about Jesus? My pastor and I were having a discussion the other day, and he elaborated on it in his sermon this past Sunday. He made the comment that in the church we have a tendency to lay out the story of Jesus as if he is saving us from God. That God is punishing us for being so bad and Jesus came to repair that relationship so we don't die. This is the part of 'sharing Jesus' that really turns me off to it.

At these camps we go to, on the night the speaker is going to talk about sin, he always encourages us leaders to let the kids wrestle with the idea that they sin and can't have a relationship with God. As if they've driven him far away. Do the kids not already have enough to worry about and to be scared about? Their parents are splitting, they get beat up at school everyday, and the list goes on... How then do I share about Jesus? This leads to problem 2): I'm not good at having conversations about spirituallity...especially with kids. I think the main reason is that I want to be absolutely sure that I'm not trying to convince these kids of anything. This whole Christianity thing is a HUGE deal. It's something that i want them to CHOOSE, not be talked into. I want them to come to this choice (if they do) completely on their own...so it completely belongs to them. So they know exactly why they are making any decision in regards to Jesus.

Maybe that's my place. Maybe it's perfectly fine for me to be the doubter guy that lets them choose this stuff on their own. The only way that I feel like I can share the whole Jesus thing with them is through actions. Man that sounds cheesy! I consider myself a pacifist and try to take that to the extreme. Not only do I not physically want to impose myself anywhere, but ideologically I try to shy away from imposing my views. In any public setting, I will only engage in spiritual conversations if it is brought up by someone else or 100% appropriate (such as camp or church). It's about letting people come to their own conclusions on their own terms. I'm pretty sure that alot of other leaders and parents and other folks who work with kids, see the way I interact with the kids, and wonder if I'm actually doing my job. Apparently they think my job is to convert these kids: to make sure that they are perfect little Christians.

Unfortunately, I don't have any conclusion to this.